Wednesday, February 08, 2006

zero zero

Hi there. In order to stop everyone misplacing their obviously well-meaning energies into our stupid website, we've decided to stop with our original plan, which was to start how we did, and then get more and more stupid as we went along, and just end it all now.

The idea behind this site was to do a piss-take on coke's blog, which was possibly the dumbest thing we've ever read.

Obviously, to a lot of you, our original posts were not dumb enough. Tonight we posted even dumber ones, but , yeah, it looks like we're still not being dumb enough.

We didn't make this site to fool left-wing people into thinking it was a real coke zero site, we thought you'd get it straight away. Sorry about that.

With that all said, please take a look at the following excerpts that we think were fairly obvious pointers to satire. Not very good satire, amybe, but satire none the less.

"Jase and I started reading about the zero movement and found that the idea really clicked with us both. We began coming up with our own "zero statements" and talking about them at the pub, emailing them to each other to break the monotony of yet another boring work day, even texting a few to our mates, most of who could really relate to what we were saying."
Come on... no-one, not even the real zero movement blogger guy is that dumb.

"that's the power of zero, if you're not with us, you're against us."
was a reference to this:

The whole thing where Jase Zero rips the cubicle of its hinges. Too dumb to be real and too dumb for it to be done by coke.

The bit where we're throwing stuff at Sri Lankan fans at the cricket. Too dumb to be real and too dumb for it to be done by coke.

'Then we went and caught a flick - Underworld Evolution, which I have to tell you is pretty cool.' Is a reference to the 'real' (haha) zero movment blogger's claim that he went to see Sin City.

Yeah, we broke the guys car window and he didn't care and then Nick T is bringing round his BBQ next time? Just stupid.

The fact that Dave Zero called his ex girlfriend a slut. Like the real coke site would post that (well, they pretty much did, I guess, but were never that blunt)...

Anyway, a few people seemed to actually read what we wrote and think about it and then came to the right (in our minds) conclusion. Thanks. :)

We weren't trying to deceive, just make people think a bit and continue the heat on coke's stupid marketing plan.

The posts were supposed to be critiques not only of the way coke originally marketed the zero movement, but also on the message that it contained. That is, encouraging a shitty gender binary, while attempting to appeal to the new style of Aussie Bloke, who seems to be as big of an arsehole as the old Aussie Bloke, but better at hiding it.

We thought this would be a funny site where people could come together and take the piss out of coke's campaign, it's just a shame that we obviously cut too close to the bone.

Apologies for any inconvenience caused. In case you're interested, here's what was going to happen this weekend:

Why can't every week be Schoolies week?

Seriously, was life any better than at Schoolies? You'd finished high school, the whole world was ahead of you and all the best things in life: girls, mates, drinks and plenty of good times were always on hand. Flash forward a few years and tings are a little bit different. Sure, I went to Uni, did pretty well at it, even got myself an OK job. But there's got to more to life than this. I was speaking to some old school mates of mine the other day about it all. We all agreed that life was so much better back then, we had zero worries, zero responsibilities; we could just live and not worry about the consequences. Then it hit me, there's absolutely zero stopping me from doing all those things right here and now. I put the idea to my mates, let's just do Schoolies all over again. They didn't need to think twice.

We all took a day off from our (monkey) work and flew up to the Gold Coast. Just a few mates, trying to have a good time like it was the first time. We agreed to do it in true Schoolies style and it was an absolute blast. Gav, a true scamer at the best of times, smuggled a cask of wine (the cheapest he could find, no less!) onto the flight and between the four of us, we were pretty ripped by the time we hit the sunny tarmac of Queensland. We continued knocking a few back throughout the day and then set our sights on what we all really there for: young girls. Over the three days of our Schoolies renaissance, we must had a total of 20 beautiful hotties between us. To top it off, the oldest one wouldn’t have been a day over 18. It really was magic and a great example of what living life in the moment, and doing that feel good and feed your soul can do.

Suffice to say, me and the boys are planning our return trip to the Coast really soon. Which gets me to thinking: why can't the age of consent be zero?

Sigh... OK? :)

(for the record: between when this was originally posted and now, I've changed some bits, removed two excalmation marks and added a ':)' and a few other things like that)


Blogger wbb said...

Spoil sport!

12:50 am AEDT  
Blogger Jeremy said...

They were dumb, but not quite dumb enough that it wasn't plausible that the idiots would have written them.

6:34 am AEDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha! So coke's trying to cover its arse and pretend that it has nothing to do with the sight now. Yeah, we know better!

8:34 am AEDT  
Blogger Armagnac Esq. said...

Yeah I must say I'm not convinced at all.

It really wasn't satire, if it was meant as such it's got a long way to go.

9:52 am AEDT  
Anonymous yoyo said...

Or... Armaniac (aka 'Dave Zero') and Mr Lefty (aka 'Jase Zero') are in fact EMPLOYEES of coca-cola, who have been creating fictional lefty blogs in order gain people's trust before creating a satirical website about coca-cola zero being bad and then writing about its evils it on their own blogs, before revealing on their fake blog that it's a satire in order to discredit their original, already fake lefty blogs. Thereby getting the blogging community to get behind the crappy drink after their initial intentionally bad attempt at getting the blogging community to drink it. We are all just pawns in their evil game...

11:38 am AEDT  
Blogger thr said...

Nice one. we were all fooled for a time.

It did seem that Coke would be dumb enought to go ahead with this.

Looking forward to B&T article about the whole debacle

12:46 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Flashman said...

Ah poo, I wish it'd been Pepsi behind it all. Good work, you kept us all guessing.

1:19 pm AEDT  
Blogger googlebombcoke said...

Nice work, guys. I didn't think you were pepsi/coke reps. Check out the google bomb coke site.

3:36 pm AEDT  
Blogger Armagnac Esq. said...

I have yet another conspiracy to throw in the mix- the google bomb message above is somehow driven by a spambot.

6:39 pm AEDT  
Blogger jes said...

Nicely done, I thought you guys were for real. Irritating. ;)

6:57 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"We didn't make this site to fool left-wing people into thinking it was a real coke zero site, we thought you'd get it straight away. Sorry about that."

Ironic that a site blasting coke for the way they ran there tease campaign used the same methods and confused everyone in the process. At least with the coke site we all new it was coke.

Still i have to succumb to wanky advertising i'd rather zero over puff any day.

9:52 pm AEDT  
Anonymous cokehead said...

"Ironic that a site blasting coke for the way they ran there tease campaign used the same methods and confused everyone in the process."

Yes. It is ironic. I think that was the point.

10:10 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is Mr. Lefty the dumbest man with a connection to the internet?

7:29 am AEDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know Anonymous, it's a toss up between him and the other fine legal mind Armaniac. They're just that good at interpreting the evidence in front of them.

3:49 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Armaniac needs to lay off the fine liquer for a while...

6:37 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh man, and the colour scheme SUCKS!
Why do people do this ?!

11:37 am AEDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aaaah, it all becomes clear.

The thing is we expect this kind of stupid rubbish from marketeers. They ARE idiots because they think WE all are.

I once overheard a group of marketeers talking up a dandruff shampoo ad over a few G&T's at the pub. The shite that they were coming up with made me cringe at the direction the world is taking in the West.

The sad thing is they belive it is a valid approach to reality.

12:23 pm AEDT  
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