Monday, February 06, 2006

Superbowl Zero

After having such a blast with our new mates this weekend, me and Jase weren't too keen to go back to our dead-end jobs today. In the spirit of the zero movement, we both decided we were going to have a "sick of the cubicle day". I was pretty tempted not to even call in, see if anybody would notice, but figured I'd better let them know. So I called my (pointy headed) boss:

"G'day Richard, It's Dave here."

Terrific. I work my arse off for this guy 50 hours a week and he doesn't even know who I am. Why do I bother?

"Dave. Dave Cunningham. I'm feeling a bit crook today, I don't think I'm going to make it into the office."
"Ah, David. I see. Well look, if you really think you have to, then stay at home. Just remember that I need those expense reports filed first thing tomorrow." Then he just hung up. Unbelieveable.

This little chat left me feeling pretty down, so I called up Jase and he came round. After dragging him away from trying to hit on my housemate Sal AGAIN (seriously mate, give up!), we headed up the road to Brett's place. Brett is a massive American Football fan, and he was really pumped up about the Super Bowl today. He had the big screen TV and surround sound set up, so we sat back with a few cold ones (why can't 10am be a respectable time to start drinking?) and watched the game.

I've never been much of a gridiron fan (I reckon they're a bit soft wearing all that padding), but I really got into the spectacle of it all. It was a pretty good game, even though the Steelers ran away with it in the last quarter. Jase started this thing where every time his team (the sea hawks) got a first down he would yell out "Boo-yah!" We thought that was pretty funny and we all started doing it, raising our fists and shouting "BOO-YAH" together at the top of our lungs every time the players got it past the 10 yard mark. Then we would just piss ourselves laughing. I tell you - there's nothing quite like just having a laugh with the boys like that.

After the game we took Brett's gridiron ball to the park and started tossing it around, all trying to be the next Ben Rothelsberger. Then we went and caught a flick - Underworld Evolution, which I have to tell you is pretty cool. Except Jase started yelling out "Boo-yah" every time one of the vampires got stabbed. Of course me and Brett couldn't help joining in, and in the end we were politely asked to leave the theatre.

We finished up the day with a pub meal and few more beers (I'm still a bit pissed, so I hope this post makes sense). We chatted a bit about the zero movement and the things we were doing to get more zero into our lives, and then headed home.

I guess I have to go back to the cubicle farm tomorrow to get Richard's precious expense reports done, but I have zero regrets about taking a "sick of the cubicle" day, and I reckon we'll do it again really soon. Anyone else wanna come along?



Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guys should seriously check out this site about your site: Its the REALNESS! Fo Shizzle!!!

9:49 am AEDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

jesus christ, this site it brilliant. i am so following this zero movement thing. i mean it is the perfect blend of a shallow interpretation of eastern philosophy with matey australianism ... and a capitalist bent! genius!
hey, so, did 'boo-yah' test well in the focus group research?


you are going to be the first to prove that not all publicity is good publicity. building a ground swell of disgust won't increase sales. targeted hatred. nice one.

oh, and i think it is brilliant that you have spam-blocking on your fuckpot of a spam-blog.

10:51 am AEDT  
Blogger Jase Zero said...

You know what? Life is tough enough without increasing the hate that already exists in the world with posts like the above. As we said earlier, we're zero hate here, guys.

If you've got something challenging to share, we say 'bring it on!', but at least put a name to it.

have a good one,

11:02 am AEDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Dave Cunningham" and "Jason Parker"... sound like the kind of names I'd come up with if I was an ADVERTISING WANKER trying to salvage a dying campaign.

11:03 am AEDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Jase" you surely must accept that this is a rather pathetic facade?
When i read these posts, it reminds me of when dad says the word 'cool'. It is stilted, self-conscious and uncomfortable.

The whole thing is kinda humiliating. Not just to you, and to my intelligence but to marketing. you are hurting the only thing your employers care about: the brand.

Zero movement, as in this ain't going anywhere.

11:22 am AEDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, what could be more Australian than the fucking superbowl? You regular aussie '20-30yo' 'blokes' are lame.

11:53 am AEDT  
Anonymous antimatter said...

Ok I gots my sugar-free rebellion in a convenient can, I grew my pony tail and gots some cool Nikes.
wanna hang out on a "sick of work day" and come up with some more ways to look cool?

12:06 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Shannon said...

Congratulations, I'm never bying a Coca Cola product again!

Thanks for helping me see the light!

12:31 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Zero hate MAX consumerist crap!!

12:57 pm AEDT  
Blogger Lucy Tartan said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:28 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Rich said...

I'm happy to do this "zero hassle" thing at work - but I really don't want to drink Zero Coke.

It's really, really tasteless. Have you tried it? Do any of the rest of you, apart from Dave and Jase, enjoy it? Normal Coke is okay, although it's a bit boring and old now, but the sugar-free Zero stuff is really foul.

I'm sure it's not just me.

You guys should try V. V is much tastier. And it's compatible with the Zero Movement philosophy too!

1:29 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Kev said...

I don't like V so much, but you're right about Zero Coke. It's almost as bad as Diet Coke.

Foul stuff. How can you guys actually drink it?

1:30 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Stereotypical Aussie Bloke said...

I can't see why you losers aren't just drinking beer. What the hell's tough about drinking a weak as piss soft drink?

1:31 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Tom said...

Zero Movement philosophy?

Puh-lease. You guys should try Scientology. It's been scientifically proven to solve all your problems.

The Zero movement sounds fun and all, but it's hardly going to release the thetans which are holding you back.

ps Coke's nice, but the new stuff is really weak. It just doesn't work without sugar.

Except Pepsi Max. That stuff is really delicious.

1:33 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Stewart said...

you guys are SOOOO right!

when my boyfriend and i got together on the weekend with a few more of our 'friends' for an intimate get-together, we served zero coke... there's only one type of 'fat' i want in my mouth!

1:51 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Rich said...

Actually, Stewie, you're right. The only people I know who drink Zero Coke are, well, guys who like other guys IN THAT WAY.

Maybe Dave and Jase are a bit closer than we realised?

1:52 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Stewart said...

it also makes an excellent chaser after anything salty!

1:53 pm AEDT  
Anonymous dawei said...

Hey, rack off. Everyone drinks it at the gay nightclubs in collingwood!

1:59 pm AEDT  
Anonymous steven said...

Dawei, you bitch. The only people drinking Zero Coke are people who've had so many Es they can't tell how bad it tastes.

Just because we like guys and watch our weight doesn't mean we'll just drink any watery softdrink.

I don't get how Coke can have fucked it up so much, though. Pepsi Max is okay, and they took the sugar out of that. Why does New Zero Coke taste so bad?

2:02 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lucy tartan,

Even if its a piss take then its a pretty lame piss take.

3:25 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Dazza said...

I actually had a Zero Coke for lunch. SHIT. Do not waste your money, guys. It's actually even worse, if you can imagine it, than Diet Coke. I don't know how they managed that.

ps Dawei's right. The only people I know who ever drink Coke Zero are guys too wasted to tell how bad it tastes.

3:28 pm AEDT  
Anonymous harro said...

you know what tastes really good, is low in sugar and gives you a refreshing caffeine hit?

pepsi max.

3:58 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

pepsi max is the greatest drink ever! long live pepsi max

3:59 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you know what harro? you're right! pepsi max is soooo refreshing... i might go and buy one right now!

3:59 pm AEDT  
Blogger Jase Zero said...

Wow, now that all you guys are here, I guess our goal will be to convert as many of you as we can to the zero movement. For me, it's not really about the drink, more the ideas associated with the drink.

Anyway, thanks heaps, guys. Keep on reading, I think we're going in for a fun ride. Zero limits! JZ

4:03 pm AEDT  
Blogger lgws said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:16 pm AEDT  
Blogger lgws said...

jase zero, i love you... you're my zero, i mean hero!

4:21 pm AEDT  
Blogger lgws said...

duff beer for me, duff beer for you, i'll have a duff, you have one too... oh wait, you only drink coke zero! too bad....

4:22 pm AEDT  
Blogger lgws said...

you know jase, you have converted me... now i'm drinking mountain dew!

4:29 pm AEDT  
Blogger lgws said...

mmmmmmmmm..... MOUNTAIN DEW

4:30 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Coke is THE BESTEST DRINK EVA! said...

I hate it when people say mean things about Coke. Jase and Dave are just trying to make a point about how great it would be if none of us accepted any negative consequences for anything ever. What's wrong with that?

Also, they sound so cool and blokey. Hey, guys, are you single? That Sal girl sounds like a nerd.

Luv Jennifer.

ps PEPSI SUCKS. So what if it tastes better? I don't care. If Coca Cola manufactures a new flavour, I'm going to be the first to buy lots of it. And so are my friends. BUYING COCA COLA MAKES US COOL.

pps Get a life, Coke Zero Tastes Like Shit. It DOES NOT. It tastes a bit watery, but it doesn't taste anything like actual shit.

4:39 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Joe Fraser said...

No, it doesn't taste like shit. It does taste a bit like wee, though.

Watery wee.

4:41 pm AEDT  
Blogger lgws said...

it's more a cocktail of wee, with a splash of poo...

4:48 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Steven said...

I guess our goal will be to convert as many of you as we can

Jase Zero, you can "convert" me any time you like!


4:48 pm AEDT  
Blogger lgws said...

Jase and Dave, why won't you admit you're my daddys?

4:50 pm AEDT  
Blogger lgws said...

sal said you paid her to have me, but now you won't admit it... i want a dna test!

is that why you promote zero consequences? (though from what sal tells me, it's too late to worry about the STDs)

4:51 pm AEDT  
Blogger lgws said...

i hope genital warts aren't heridatary...

4:52 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Alan Sokal said...

As a consumer of soft drink, I think you lot may be misunderstanding how I choose which flavoured carbonated water I prefer as I travel round the city in my courier van listening to MMM with my unwashed T-shirt hanging out. All this namby-pamby postmodernist bull doesn't cut the ice with me and me courier mates. GO BACK TO BASICS AND GIVE US CLEAVAGE! Lots of cleavage! Preferably Megan Gale's, but just about any will do as long as she's a sort.

If it was good enough for Mello Yello and Big M, it's good enough for whatever flavoured water you're trying to flog this week...

5:22 pm AEDT  
Anonymous princess mary of denmark said...

Q) Would Jase for Skase and Dave CunTingham drink their own wee if it came in a coke zero bottle?

a) No they would only drink each other's

5:30 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pepsi is better!

5:45 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Stewart said...

i heard you guys had one heck of a superbowl party, at least according to sal... she walked in on the two of you, and she said that dave had something in his mouth, and it certainly wasn't a bottle of coke zero!

like i said before though, all those chemicals in coke zero are great for rinsing your mouth out afterwards ;-)

5:55 pm AEDT  
Blogger ..Lucy.. said...

I saw your comment in brackets about the third link on your blogroll ('get over it'). I assume you've visited the site, seeing as you linked to it.

The most prominent statement on the site is that they want everyone in the world to have clean drinking water.

Do you still want them to 'get over it'?

6:01 pm AEDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh man. I think everyone needs to calm down a little... because if you actually READ the content on this blog properly, (and I mean in it's entirety, without getting so enraged after 2 paragraphs that you give up reading) then you'll see that it's pretty obvious this site is a SATIRICAL take on the whole pathetic coke zero marketing campaign.

Read between the lines.

6:03 pm AEDT  
Anonymous jase zero said...

oh boy, I actually tried Pepsi Max for the first time today, and it craps all over Coke Zero. I'm changing my name to Jase Max!

I've always loved you, Dave. I hope we can still be as close, as we once were.

6:05 pm AEDT  
Blogger jes said...

"It tastes a bit watery, but it doesn't taste anything like actual shit."

Wait, does that mean you've tasted actual shit? Wow.

6:18 pm AEDT  
Anonymous dave zero said...

i love you man, i always will... i'll show you how much tonight...

6:39 pm AEDT  
Blogger Armagnac Esq. said...

Like, fuck dudes, wow, here's another cunting trackback from some arsehole who's dissing coke and trolling for hits:

Man, what a downer dude!

6:42 pm AEDT  

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