Wednesday, February 08, 2006

zero zero

Hi there. In order to stop everyone misplacing their obviously well-meaning energies into our stupid website, we've decided to stop with our original plan, which was to start how we did, and then get more and more stupid as we went along, and just end it all now.

The idea behind this site was to do a piss-take on coke's blog, which was possibly the dumbest thing we've ever read.

Obviously, to a lot of you, our original posts were not dumb enough. Tonight we posted even dumber ones, but , yeah, it looks like we're still not being dumb enough.

We didn't make this site to fool left-wing people into thinking it was a real coke zero site, we thought you'd get it straight away. Sorry about that.

With that all said, please take a look at the following excerpts that we think were fairly obvious pointers to satire. Not very good satire, amybe, but satire none the less.

"Jase and I started reading about the zero movement and found that the idea really clicked with us both. We began coming up with our own "zero statements" and talking about them at the pub, emailing them to each other to break the monotony of yet another boring work day, even texting a few to our mates, most of who could really relate to what we were saying."
Come on... no-one, not even the real zero movement blogger guy is that dumb.

"that's the power of zero, if you're not with us, you're against us."
was a reference to this:

The whole thing where Jase Zero rips the cubicle of its hinges. Too dumb to be real and too dumb for it to be done by coke.

The bit where we're throwing stuff at Sri Lankan fans at the cricket. Too dumb to be real and too dumb for it to be done by coke.

'Then we went and caught a flick - Underworld Evolution, which I have to tell you is pretty cool.' Is a reference to the 'real' (haha) zero movment blogger's claim that he went to see Sin City.

Yeah, we broke the guys car window and he didn't care and then Nick T is bringing round his BBQ next time? Just stupid.

The fact that Dave Zero called his ex girlfriend a slut. Like the real coke site would post that (well, they pretty much did, I guess, but were never that blunt)...

Anyway, a few people seemed to actually read what we wrote and think about it and then came to the right (in our minds) conclusion. Thanks. :)

We weren't trying to deceive, just make people think a bit and continue the heat on coke's stupid marketing plan.

The posts were supposed to be critiques not only of the way coke originally marketed the zero movement, but also on the message that it contained. That is, encouraging a shitty gender binary, while attempting to appeal to the new style of Aussie Bloke, who seems to be as big of an arsehole as the old Aussie Bloke, but better at hiding it.

We thought this would be a funny site where people could come together and take the piss out of coke's campaign, it's just a shame that we obviously cut too close to the bone.

Apologies for any inconvenience caused. In case you're interested, here's what was going to happen this weekend:

Why can't every week be Schoolies week?

Seriously, was life any better than at Schoolies? You'd finished high school, the whole world was ahead of you and all the best things in life: girls, mates, drinks and plenty of good times were always on hand. Flash forward a few years and tings are a little bit different. Sure, I went to Uni, did pretty well at it, even got myself an OK job. But there's got to more to life than this. I was speaking to some old school mates of mine the other day about it all. We all agreed that life was so much better back then, we had zero worries, zero responsibilities; we could just live and not worry about the consequences. Then it hit me, there's absolutely zero stopping me from doing all those things right here and now. I put the idea to my mates, let's just do Schoolies all over again. They didn't need to think twice.

We all took a day off from our (monkey) work and flew up to the Gold Coast. Just a few mates, trying to have a good time like it was the first time. We agreed to do it in true Schoolies style and it was an absolute blast. Gav, a true scamer at the best of times, smuggled a cask of wine (the cheapest he could find, no less!) onto the flight and between the four of us, we were pretty ripped by the time we hit the sunny tarmac of Queensland. We continued knocking a few back throughout the day and then set our sights on what we all really there for: young girls. Over the three days of our Schoolies renaissance, we must had a total of 20 beautiful hotties between us. To top it off, the oldest one wouldn’t have been a day over 18. It really was magic and a great example of what living life in the moment, and doing that feel good and feed your soul can do.

Suffice to say, me and the boys are planning our return trip to the Coast really soon. Which gets me to thinking: why can't the age of consent be zero?

Sigh... OK? :)

(for the record: between when this was originally posted and now, I've changed some bits, removed two excalmation marks and added a ':)' and a few other things like that)

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Why can't we have a "Zero Games" day?

G'day Guys, Dave here. Wow! The site's only been up a few days and we've already had loads of feedback. The response has been mostly positive, but some of you don't seem to share our enthusiasm for the zero movement. I guess when something as fresh and innovative as the zero movement comes along, there's always going to be some people who are a little bit wary of it. You're entitled to your opinion guys, but try and keep the comments constructive huh? We believe in zero censorship here, but also zero hatred. Anyway, enough of the negative stuff.

Why can't we have a "Zero Games" day?

It's only a few weeks until the Commonwealth games start, and as you can imagine I'm pretty pumped. But there's another type of games that I definitely DON'T get excited about. The games that chicks play with your head.

I'd been seeing this girl, Bree, for a few weeks. She was a pretty good-looking girl, and a blast to be around, but she was always asking me these loaded questions like "Do I look fat in this top?", or "Do you think Jo (her friend) is hotter than me?". There's never a right answer to these sort of questions, there always seems to be some sort of ulterior motive.

So I just thought - Why can't we have a Zero Games day? For just one day, a total ban on all emotional games, loaded questions and lies. One day where you could ask your partner anything at all and be sure of getting a 100% honest reply.

I thought Bree might go for it, so I brought it up with her. I started by explaining how I felt I'd really changed as a person since I'd been into the zero movement, and that just for today I wanted zero games and total honesty from both of us. She said that it sounded like a really good idea, a chance to get any issues out in the open and hopefully make our relationship stronger.

I thought I'd get the ball rolling, so I told her about how I had cheated on her while at the coast with some of the guys (more on that later!) She was pretty upset by this and started crying. I explained that I had been drunk, and that it hadn't meant anything, and eventually she calmed down. Then I asked her if she had anything that she wanted to tell me, and she said that she would never cheat on me, but that she had slept with my mate Dane a couple of years before we met. Naturally I told her right then that I didn't want to see her any more.

So even though I'm single again now, the Zero Games day was definitely a good idea. If I hadn't decided to try it, I might have never have found out that Bree was such a slut. And now I'm free to make a move on the new hottie in my section at work!

Zero games = zero worries.


Join Team Zero

Well, today sure has been an eye-opener here at 'Rocks HQ. First of all, how many times do we have to say that this site was not set-up by coke (or any other company), before you believe us? Anyway guys, it's your issue, I guess.

All the negativity did get me thinking this, though...

Why can't everyone go for the same team?

For as long as I can remember I've been a passionate cricket fan. It started with my dad taking to the SCG as a kid and watching the fantastic contests between our boys and teams like the West Indies or India. The Aussies weren't the powerhouse team that they are now and I got a real appreciation for hard work and grit from the efforts of Alan Border and Marshy. Anyway, apart from big trip OS a few years ago, I've always been at least one game of cricket during the summer. This year me and the boys thought we'd do the patriotic thing, paint our faces, grab some Aussie flags and really get behind the team.

It was an absolute blast. I'd never thought I'd wear make-up, but it felt pretty good emblazening the flag of the country I love across my face. I lot of the guys were commenting on just how emotional it made them and we made a pact not to tell our girlfriends about – oops! Sorry, guys. Anyway, we got to the game and, at least at the start, had a great time. Singing songs and cheering Gilly, Punter and all the boys. They were fielding first and we even got a few cheeky waves from them in recognition of our antics.

Then, sadly, things went down hill. A bit behind us was a group of people barraking for the other team (Sri Lanka). Anyway, things were going good for their team and they wouldn't stop singing or dancing. The singing, I gotta say, was not in English and we had no idea what they were on about. Stevie, who by that stage had had a few and was annoyed that the Aussies weren't doing so great on the field, stood up and asked the group where they are from and suggested they might go back there. It was pretty funny and we all laughed – it provided a real comedic relief from what was going on on the field. The response, though, blew me away, 'from here!' they happily chortled. I couldn't believe it. Born and bred in the best country on earth and they were supporting our enemy? It put a real dampener on the whole event. Then it hit me like a bolt from the blue, let's pull a Murali on them if they like him so much. Suffice to say we CHUCKED a whole heap of rubbish in their direction and everyone in our area found it really amusing. One thing led to another and we ended up having an early night, but that didn't stop us singing Waltzing Matilda, loud and proud, on the train home.

Anyway, call me crazy, wouldn't life be so much better if we all went for the same team? Wouldn't that lead to zero worries and zero arguments? Zero times being ejected from a venue for a friendly bit of banter with opposing fans? If everyone thought the same things, then there'd be zero wars, zero problems and we could spend our lives just 'living' and having a good time! You know, I think I'm onto something here...


Monday, February 06, 2006

Superbowl Zero

After having such a blast with our new mates this weekend, me and Jase weren't too keen to go back to our dead-end jobs today. In the spirit of the zero movement, we both decided we were going to have a "sick of the cubicle day". I was pretty tempted not to even call in, see if anybody would notice, but figured I'd better let them know. So I called my (pointy headed) boss:

"G'day Richard, It's Dave here."

Terrific. I work my arse off for this guy 50 hours a week and he doesn't even know who I am. Why do I bother?

"Dave. Dave Cunningham. I'm feeling a bit crook today, I don't think I'm going to make it into the office."
"Ah, David. I see. Well look, if you really think you have to, then stay at home. Just remember that I need those expense reports filed first thing tomorrow." Then he just hung up. Unbelieveable.

This little chat left me feeling pretty down, so I called up Jase and he came round. After dragging him away from trying to hit on my housemate Sal AGAIN (seriously mate, give up!), we headed up the road to Brett's place. Brett is a massive American Football fan, and he was really pumped up about the Super Bowl today. He had the big screen TV and surround sound set up, so we sat back with a few cold ones (why can't 10am be a respectable time to start drinking?) and watched the game.

I've never been much of a gridiron fan (I reckon they're a bit soft wearing all that padding), but I really got into the spectacle of it all. It was a pretty good game, even though the Steelers ran away with it in the last quarter. Jase started this thing where every time his team (the sea hawks) got a first down he would yell out "Boo-yah!" We thought that was pretty funny and we all started doing it, raising our fists and shouting "BOO-YAH" together at the top of our lungs every time the players got it past the 10 yard mark. Then we would just piss ourselves laughing. I tell you - there's nothing quite like just having a laugh with the boys like that.

After the game we took Brett's gridiron ball to the park and started tossing it around, all trying to be the next Ben Rothelsberger. Then we went and caught a flick - Underworld Evolution, which I have to tell you is pretty cool. Except Jase started yelling out "Boo-yah" every time one of the vampires got stabbed. Of course me and Brett couldn't help joining in, and in the end we were politely asked to leave the theatre.

We finished up the day with a pub meal and few more beers (I'm still a bit pissed, so I hope this post makes sense). We chatted a bit about the zero movement and the things we were doing to get more zero into our lives, and then headed home.

I guess I have to go back to the cubicle farm tomorrow to get Richard's precious expense reports done, but I have zero regrets about taking a "sick of the cubicle" day, and I reckon we'll do it again really soon. Anyone else wanna come along?


Sunday, February 05, 2006

Watch out Channel 9, zero cricket is here!

Well, yesterday was pretty special. Sam and Nick (a couple of guys from my work) came round and we kicked back and yacked over a couple of cans of coke zero. Nick was a bit down because his olds had been giving him a hard time about his (non-)direction in life. They're constantly bugging him to get a better job, a girlfriend and then settle down and pop out some grandkids. It's pretty much the same with my parents - they just don't get it. Life's different now for us guys, I'd rather see the world and have some fun rather than settle down to some sort of picket-fenced (in) fantasy.

To lighten the mood a bit, Dave thought we may as well get out of the house and play a game of street cricket. We all picked an Aussie player to be - it was pretty funny. Nick was Warnie, Dave was Punter, Sam was Bing. Naturally, I was Mr Cricket. It was a real blast. Well, at least until 'Bing' smacked the ball right into my neighbours car window, smashing into a few thousand pieces.

Why can't your neighbours wind down their car windows when you and your mates a having a friendly hit?

Anyway, the owner of the car, Reece, came out, and he wasn't too happy. We were all looking pretty sheepish as he inspected the damage. Reece picked the ball out of the car and looked up at us, 'Right,' he said, 'my bowl.' It was a great moment, and he got Bing out with his very first ball!

Reece turned out to be a really great guy. When I asked him why he didn't care about his car window, he said that he saw we were using a coke zero bottle for stumps and said he was a big fan of the drink and the zero movement website. Suffice to say, he had zero problems with our game of cricket and us living life the zero way. Later, on a couple of other guys (Brett and Nick T) joined the match. It was awesome! We played for a couple of hours and we're going to make it a regular thing. Next week, Nick T even threatened to wheel his BBQ over and cook some snags while we play. Nice!

Mates, having a great time, with zero worries, and zero consequences. It doesn't get much better than that...

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Breaking down the (cubicle) walls...

I want to tell you guys about something that happened to me last week. You could say, it's what started me on this big zero movement adventure. I was at my regular sushi joint (hi Jim!) grabbing a quick lunch. Quick, because I had an 'important' (to who?) report due that afternoon and was under the pump. I went to grab my usual accompaniment to Jim's delicious teriyaki beef sushi rolls (a coke) and noticed that sitting next to the red and white-labeled bottle was a new addition to the family. It looked like a pretty cool idea, zero sugar and great taste, so I gave it a go.

On the way back to the office I noticed a poster for coke zero and noted the zero movement website address. At that stage, I don't think I ever intended to go there, but when I tried the drink, I was blown away that something could have zero sugar and still taste the way it does. Impressed, I typed in and I've gotta say, it was a pretty special experience. The manifesto made a lot of sense, but when I got reading the stuff on the blog, that's when I knew that the zero movement was for me.

The post that Carl did about just leaving the office for the afternoon was really inspiring. In fact, I was about to do just that - leave for the day and catch a film, when my boss came by and bugged me for the report for the seventh time since midday. I was stuck, but what I've found is that the power of zero strikes when you need it most. I was sitting there, sipping coke zero and alternating looks between my PC screen, and the cubicle walls that seemed to be moving in on me closer and closer each day. Enough was enough.

I got up out of my seat and ripped my cage out of its hinges. You know what I saw then? People. People I work with that I'd never really spoken to before.

The expressions on their faces were priceless. I had a wry smile on my face and said to them 'we're breaking free today, guys'. A couple of them cracked-up laughing, others just sat there staring at me. Anyway, between chatting with my co-workers and getting comfortable in my new surroundings, I managed to get the report done. My boss was even pretty impressed with it. The best part of it was that I made some new mates that day, a couple of guys named Nick and Sam who were impressed with my antics. When they asked me why I did it, I just gave them the zero movement's website address. After a few minutes of browsing they were signed, sealed and delivered members of the zero movement, too. I've invited them to my place this weekend to catch-up over a few cold ones, so who knows what type of mischief we'll get up to (hey Dave, they'll be at mine at 3, that still cool for you?).

That's the power of zero, if you're not with us, you're against us.

Site update

Well, it looks like we've got a place to call our own. Big thanks to Sal, who's been up all night putting it together - we owe you one!

It's amazing how fast things happen when inspriration strikes. Just the other day I was at Dave's place and was talking to Sal (his cute housemate) about the Zero Movement and the site Dave and I were trying to establish. She was blown away by the concepts and had always wanted to try her hand at web design. I think you'll agree, the results are pretty awesome. The power of zero in action, for sure...

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

What we're about

I'm sure you've all heard of the zero movement by now. The guys at Coke don't just make great drinks, they've also come up with this great new way of looking at life. Basically, it's all about living without the limits and expectations that we're constantly told we have to adhere to. Young blokes like us have a lot to deal with in our lives. Dead end jobs, hassles with our girlfriends, folks that can't realise we're not kids anymore. These things can add up and leave you feeling pretty grim. Joining the zero movement is about saying "Enough! Why the hell CAN'T we have a great life without any of the bad stuff?" I reckon it's a really novel concept.

Jase and I started reading about the zero movement and found that the idea really clicked with us both. We began coming up with our own "zero statements" and talking about them at the pub, emailing them to each other to break the monotony of yet another boring work day, even texting a few to our mates, most of who could really relate to what we were saying.

Coke have done a great job on their zero movement website, but they're obviously pretty snowed under there, cos a bunch of the zero statements we sent in didn't appear on their site until a week after we sent them, and some don't seem to have made it on at all! I guess they get a fair bit of feedback, and must have trouble keeping up with all the posts. That's understandable, but we reckon some of the stuff we have come up with is pretty good, and we want to get it out there for others to hear.

So that's why we started this site. It's a place for us to share our own thoughts and stories of how we're getting more zero into our lives. But, it's also a place for you guys to let us know what you think about the zero movement, and to share your own words of wisdom that capture the zero spirit. So please post a comment, or send one of us an email. It's all about getting the message out there to the world.

So, here goes nothing!

Dave and Jase

PS. We're expecting to get a lot of posts and comments, and seeing as this is a site for everyone to contribute to we can't be responsible for everything on here. If you see something that you think is incorrect or if someone's pic is breaching copyright or anything, just shoot us an email and we'll sort it out.

PPS. And before anyone asks - no, we're not affiliated with the Coca-Cola company or anything like that. We love the new Coke zero, but we're definitely NOT on their payroll. We're just a couple of regular blokes who are really into the zero movement philosophy. Are you?